Monday, April 30, 2012

Musing... because I don't want to do my final.

In the summer of 2008, I was my friend's bridesmaid. She got married after dating this guy in secret for about a year? I'm not quite sure. Well, I was extremely happy for her, except I know nothing about this guy, and my friend keeps pretty private to herself.

Anyways, the biggest shock to me was that she was marrying a guy who didn't speak Cantonese. My friend was born and raised in Hong Kong, though her parents are Fuzhounese* influence, her parents always spoke Cantonese to her.

*Fuzhounese people are people from the region of Fu Jian province that speak a specific dialect of Ming-language.

(We're like Part 3)

This guy, his parents was also Fuzhounese. But he got to the US when he was so young that he barely speaks it. If he were to speak to his parents, it would be mandarin.

By now, you guys probably came to the conclusion that since they were both living in the US, they probably spoke English. And you'd be right.

So pardon me here.

I grew up in a family in which my parents STRONGLY believed that both my brother and I should marry/date with those who are Fuzhounese. It's like how Jewish parents always insisted that their children marry Jewish. And how white parents insist that their children don't marry black.

So here's the tricky part: the only differentiation between a Fuzhounese person and a non-Fuzhounese Chinese is the language they speak.

It's not like there's a skin color difference. It's not like they dress differently. Fuzhounese people don't smell differently. They don't act differently... It's not like there's a "background" difference. (Fuzhounese people cannot be generalized to be strictly restaurant owners, though they are, but not always, my girlfriend proved to me that they are everywhere).

So here's the query: Why do my parents care so much about if my brother or I marry a Fuzhounese person??

Then I realized: they want to know the family that we're marrying. Then I thought about it again... Isn't this kinda incestuous that my parents want our gene pool to be super small?

ANYWAYS. Meanwhile back at the ranch:

The point I was getting to was that, ever since I was a child, I was conditioned to understand that you have to marry someone who speaks the same language as you. Right? This was what I understand based on my understanding of my parents and Fuzhounese people.

So when my friend got married to someone who didn't speak Cantonese... I was so distraught. I was so confused. You know what they say about lesbians; "If they're not the same height, they won't work out." And for me, it was like, "If they don't speak the same language, they won't work out."

Alright, so my friend getting married to a dude that didn't speak Cantonese was the BIGGEST rock every thrown in my schema. The bride's sister married a guy who spoke Cantonese, my brother's wife speaks Fuzhounese, my parents clearly spoke Fuzhounese*2...

*2 - Actually, come to think of my, my grandpa's second wife was definitely not a Fuzhounese speaker, because she spoke with an accent and people made fun of her. (sad).

There's a guy I know, *no names*, Fuzhounese, dated a girl who was Chinese-Malaysian. And, oh, believe me, his parents DID NOT have it. She spoke Mandarin and everything... I don't really understand that whole ordeal. It breaks my heart listening to his story...

Phew. So this is how it works back to how I am involved: following my parent's advice and my own vagina, I started dating my ex. Literally, the first thing that came to my mind was, "She speaks Fuzhounese as well... and she's not fugly... and I think she's kinda into me... I think this'll work out."

And every time I fought with her, the utmost important thing in my head was, "When will I ever find another girl who speaks Fuzhounese and gay!?" And I remained in that harmful and acidic relationship because... this is the best of worst. My parents would be okay with this just slightly more JUST because she's Fuzhounese. Just as they've always wanted.

But she wasn't what I wanted.

So when I got into a new relationship, with a person of a different ethnicity than mine, she also speaks a different native language. It was scary for me, knowing what I've known all my life.

With her ex being of the same ethnicity, I constantly feel like I have to "top" or be better, or stronger, or faster, or stronger than her ex. And I always felt like she had an "one up" because I always thought language was such a special and powerful bond.


Tonight, I sat down, and thought about all of this... and honestly, love is pervasive beyond languages.

There are couples that came together from different religious background, political leanings, and cultures as well. What stops them from loving each other? Probably their parents, but really, nothing else.


  1. Hi, I like this thankso . It is painful to be with someone for 6 years, FJ culture and all, I don't know how tighly knitted they are. It's sad because no matter what , me being Filipino and him ( now my ex, because the mom arranged a girl to bring for him) are being controlled by the mother. There will never be enough Kindness in my body to make up for the lack of Fj in me, especially when you are Filipino. I don't think the mom will ever have me, so when I caught him cheating on me with a little girl, I knew to let it go. Thanks FJ mom for condemning cheating ;) while I'm still in a domestic relationship with his son

  2. "HELP!! My history is I want to molest children who are too young to speak.
    Just like I did my brothers."

    How many times did military pilot suck that little boy's dick? How many times did that pedophile suck that child's penis?? Confused how prostitution works, he let the boy drive his car if the boy let him copulate him. He left the neighborhood before the boy "came of age" so a homosexual pedophile he remains for life. He turned all his brothers into "givers", and one went on to a period of exhibited homosexuality. This mentally ill career military wants his son to have the car in which he first sucked prepubescent penis.
    Is there a connection with the transsexual clue with his "wife"?? Is it connected or is this a separate dysfunction?
    Was he ever tested? He had a period of sexual promiscuity after enlistment in an attempt to prove he was a man, desperate to erase his history. Did you ever send an attractive tranny to see if he would take the bait?? He did:::His wife!!!
    You can only imagine what the military's scathing evaluation of his dysfunctional personality had to say, not to mention what his fellow pilots thought. He had no business being there.
    The greeks don't want no freaks. Should have killed himself like he was invited to in his movie.
    The pedophile wants to reach up her dress and fondle her penis.

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